Why We Resist What Is Good for Us
Notes #2: June 1st, 2026
Today was the first time I sat to write not because I had an impulse to and wanted to, but because Juanita reminded me that I wanted to make a habit of it. I told her that I know writing does me good. It centers me, it grounds me, it inspires and energizes me. And yet, despite all these clear and significant benefits, I regularly drag my feet about doing it. More often than not, I manage to distract myself and avoid it altogether. Why do I do that?...
I suspect I’m not the only one who struggles with this curious phenomenon. We know what is good for us. We know how good it will make us feel to do it (or after we do it). We don’t doubt the joy, the health, the sense of achievement it will bring us, even the ripple effects it will have on other areas of our life. We know it will give us energy and satisfaction—and yet, and yet— consciously or subconsciously, we manage to avoid it like the plague. How peculiar and dumbfounding!…
I’ve been trying to crack this mystery for years.
Why is it so hard to start and keep up with habits we know will elevate our life experience?
Part of it, I believe, has to do with the fact that everything, including our habits, has a “price” — something we must give up in return for bringing something new into our lives — and, we are reluctant to pay it. The old familiar ways have benefits and value to us, that despite their obvious shortcomings, we are loath to give up... Like old, worn out slippers, what is familiar feels like home.
In the case of developing new habits that are good for us, the trade off is well worth it, but that doesn’t make it any easier to let go of what is comfy and familiar. To get up and start the day, for example, we must “pay” by giving up the comfort of bed and the blissful state of sleep. To go out and socialize, we must give up the perceived safety of home and of being alone. To go out for a walk requires giving up the state of rest and the soft, warm support of the sofa.…
To start any new habit or routine, we must also give up the ease of doing exactly what we feel like doing at any given moment. It requires that we trade less mental effort for more mental effort and focus. Inertia, for forward movement of some kind. It is a completely different state of mind. To start eating healthily, for example, requires exerting mental effort to control our sugar cravings, which is way harder than following impulses. And that is a challenging feat.
On the horizon is my awareness of the greater health, joy and fulfillment that I can experience in life, by “simply” leading my life with conscious intention, treating myself and spending my time in ways I believe are in my highest good.
I’m working on it. What helps greatly in these stubborn places, when inertia and innate resistance to change flex their muscles, is remembering that if I replace forceful pushing against my difficulties with an approach of understanding and managing them creatively, doors open and things begin to happen with more ease. In other words, if there’s a huge boulder in the way to our destination, we don’t have to insist on removing it altogether from the road. It may be much more effective to walk around it, or ask someone for a hand in climbing over it.
Hence, asking my friend to remind me regularly to do what is good for me when I can’t bring myself to start on my own volition. I do believe that after experiencing the rewards of writing several times, I will strengthen my ability to motivate myself to do it more regularly.
Luckily, I’m OK with being a “work in progress”. Luckily, I know I don’t have to be perfect. And that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help*. All is well.…
I’d love to hear what thoughts came up for you in reading this, if you care to share. You can reach me by email or face to face.
Enjoy the spring,
Orna.
